Snape's Soliloquy
by freddieismyqueen
Summary: Professor Snape reflects on a past love which hardened him to a near emotionless state. Please read and review. I wrote this 6 or 7 months ago for another fanfic account, but never published it, so here you are...


Snape's Soliloquy  
  
[Author's Note: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this soliloquy. They belong to J.K. Rowling. The only originality is the idea and the writing, the character's being temporarily borrowed. Remember to review.]  
  
Wretched children! Why did I ever compromise my life to this profession so fully...so irrevocably? There is no respect. I'm expected to gain the respect of these filthy adolescent brats. None of them accepts that they're wrong, that I'm smarter than they...were they to accept it, would that make it so?  
Oh, wretched life! I've had naught but pain and suffering for nearly forty years, and it have been prevented?  
What is this in store for me then? More torture along the road? Is this life not hard enough yet? Do I not weep often for the torment you have caused me?  
Yes, you. Did you not know? Were you merely oblivious? No, I believe that you want to torment me so. It's vicious, love. That's all it is. I let you do this to me...for what? A moment's satisfaction? As though it could really mend a broken heart.  
I recall too clearly how you used to love me. Is it masochistic to remember? I remember how your hands used to caress mine...how you used to promise me you'd never let them hurt me again.  
Your girlish laugh caught my heart, love. From the first time I saw you, I knew I was in love. How could it have not been love? When the cosmos aligned, and the gods proclaimed this WAS a love. When your glistening green eyes gazed into my black ones...the fathomless depths seemed to be conquered. You saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt the warmth as from a fire. And we knew it was love.  
We snuck away one night to be together. I remember it well, love. The first and last time. Both went into that night children, and you came out of it a woman, and I a man. At 15 years, we were already adults. In our minds, we grew old together...had a family...shared a love forever.  
As soon as it came, bright, beautiful and new, it was gone. My Venus was extinguished from the skies to shine no more. You told me you could love me no more...How could you love me no more? I had given you all of me. I left my weakness exposed to you, wore my heart on my sleeve, and for what? I wept bitterly, you tried, fruitlessly to kiss away my tears.  
You still cared about me, you said. You just didn't love me anymore. How was I to get over this? I was nothing without you. You left me a broken man. I asked you why, and you told me it had to be.  
I saw you less and less. The castle became a dark place, I retreated to the dungeon for potion work. I was going to make a love potion. If you wouldn't love me of your own will, I was going to make you love me.  
People began to talk, and snickers began to abound. It was hopeless to try and win you over. I was so undesirable in the eyes of the other students, and you were the image of perfection.  
One night, at 16 I had finished my potion. I wept because I knew that my love would soon return to me. I drank my bit of the potion, and stealthily followed you outside, to blend the potion into your drink.  
As I slowly approached you, I was stopped dead by footsteps. In the unending darkness, I froze, waiting to see who dared intrude upon the rebirth of my one true love. I saw him, headed to you, and I saw you smile. It was a dark haired boy I knew well. He was much more arrogant than I, and the very person from which you promised to protect me. He kissed you then, and I saw, much to my dismay, your happiness. I saw the love in your eyes, the love in his...it was too much to bear. You had moved on, and I...I was nothing but a broken fool, vainly attempting to restore what had long been dead.  
I threw the flask of potion, and fled, in tears to the castle. I heard you gasp as you saw me, and cry out my name, trying to get me to return. I wouldn't return to you. My heart, already broken, fully shattered.  
I skipped classes for the next few days. My heart was healing, though there were scars. So many scars, love, you wouldn't even recognise it as my heart...the heart you once knew.  
The scars hardened it as well. Your lips which I could once envision kissing away my pain were now merely...lips. Your eyes, which had captured my soul were now merely...eyes. I was empty, and so I have remained.  
So I have remained...  
Some 15 years ago, they told me you died. I shed no tears. The same one who had taken you, further breaking my already broken heart had been killed as well.  
The funeral for you was immense. As for me, when I died all those years ago, no one seemed to care. Your coffin was draped in flowers, as was his.  
Before I died, you were my flower, love.  
You were my Lily. 


End file.
